Chapter 12

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Chapter 12

Dr. Flynn’s POV

I remember the first time Christian came to see me, he was in his mid-twenties and when he came into my office he deposited his file on my desk. It was several books thick with what I had no doubt was endless upon endless evaluations of Christian not being able to control his anger and the inevitable conclusion that, that particular therapist could do nothing to help him.

When he came into my office, I was surprised to see a young man with the symmetrical beauty of a male model, but it was more than clear that behind those eyes where demons that he hid well and did not show the rest of the world. I felt like I looked in to the depth of one much older than Christian was. He was radiating hostility and I wondered why he came, if he really did not want to be here.

I told him about the way I do therapy, which I especially in his case thought to be a very good way to go forward, but when I mentioned Solution Focused Brief Therapy, he already closed down and did not seem inclined to taking to my methods. It soon became apparent to me that his method of coping was beating the shit out of brown haired girls in his so-called playroom. He did not really want the therapy, he just wanted someone to load all his shit onto.

His family has never known anything about his lifestyle, in fact very early in our sessions it became obvious that he did not talk very much with his family, he did not feel that he belonged there and that he was a constant disappointment to his parents. He is very fond of his little sister Mia and I sense that he has a somewhat good relationship with his big brother Elliot, if not a little distant. He does not like people getting too close.
Even his submissives are not close to him, they are there for the sex and I expect the expensive gifts he gives them. But he does not share a relationship with these women; they are obviously just there for the sex. He has on a few occasions ended their contract if the women have indicated that they want to be in a relationship with him.

The only person I have the impression that he has a close relationship with is Elena, the woman who seduced him when he was 15 and introduced him to the BDSM scene. I have been unfortunate enough to meet the woman on a few occasions and I do not like her. I have observed her with Christian and even though they do not have a sexual relationship anymore, it is obvious to me that she still controls him in some way. She is extremely manipulative and will in most cases steer his mind in the direction that she wants.

Christian has countless times told me that she is just a friend and business partner, but I find it very difficult to believe that there is not more to it than that for her.
She helps him choose his submissives sometimes, which I really do not understand, but he told me that it has always been like that between them.

His family does not know about their affair either, which I suppose is rather clever.

My wife has gotten involved in some of the charity work that Christian’s parents are also involved with so we have been invited to some of the functions they host at their home in Bellevue. This has given me a rare opportunity to get a look at how Christian interacts with his family and those around him. He is very loving with his family, it is clear as day that he loves them, but he keeps a comfortable distance to them, he does not tell them much about his life and what he does. It is apparent that he does not have many friends; he uses these functions to network with potential business partners and leaves early. He does not see himself as capable of love and thinks that he does not have a heart. In all the time he has been my client we always go about the same subjects, his nightmares, his fear of being touched and his sexual life. There is never anything new on the table and he never wants to try the SFBT that I would usually insist on my clients trying. But I have kept him as a client because I feel that he trusts me and at least should have the opportunity to have someone to talk to even if he is not willing to use my methods. It is plain as day that he cannot go on without having a therapist, so it might as well be me who gets the money. That and the fact that I have grown to care for him; usually I keep a distance to my patients, but having been involved with his parents who are some of the sweetest people it is difficult not to care. I am hoping that one day he will change, he will realize that he is capable of more than an impersonal BDSM relationship with a woman, because I am certain that he is.

Usually when he has come to our appointments, he has not been willing to discuss why he does what he does or why he feels the way he does. Usually he has just unloaded his shit on my table and walked away calmer. I have always pushed his limits, trying to make him see things from a different angle, but when he refuses to do anything about his behavioural pattern, it becomes difficult to help him and come up with solutions, especially when he is not willing to try them.
He always listens to me and he takes in what I say or come up with as a possible solution to some emotional turmoil inside him, but I doubt that he rarely executes it when he leaves my room.

My deepest fear is that he will never be willing to let go of his past and pursue a loving relationship with another woman because he is master of his universe and does not feel the need to change his way as he is not aspiring to a loving relationship.

So when he came to see me when I was in Portland I quickly sensed that he was in more emotional turmoil than usual and something about him had changed. Even as a therapist I could not quite put my finger on it as I had never seen him this way before. There was an unusual restlessness to him and a depth to his eyes, which I had never seen before. Usually his eyes was filled with dark secrets that he did not want revealed for anything, but this time it was something not quite as dark and hurt as what I usually saw there.

When he started speaking of Anastasia, it quickly became apparent what I saw in his eyes and I struggled with how I should tell him that he was in love, since he does not believe that he is entitled to love from another human being.

As expected he did not react well to the fact that I told him that he is in love, in fact he ended up storming out the door. But I expected he would come around and come back even more bewildered than when he left.

He seemed very sincere about this girl, just the fact that he had not taken her to his playroom to have sex with her was a very big deal and then she has met both his brother and mother, seemingly unavoidable according to himself. But this man has a steely resolve and whatever he wants he gets. Even though his family has believed him to be gay for years, he has not made a move to prove them wrong, but apparently had no problem introducing this particular woman to his family.

I will delve into these many firsts with him the next time, because I believe it to be essential that he understands that this is not unnatural, it is very normal and a very loving gesture that he is already at this point trying to compromise. What I fear is that he is very set on having this Anastasia as a sub and since she is inexperienced in the scene, I fear it will be a deal breaker if he gets to rough with her. The way he has described his usual sex scene in the playroom, I would not expect that someone like her would be able to fulfil that part of his needs. But it seems she is already filling other parts, he is just not willing to admit how import she already is to him.

As the relationship progresses I expect I will have many more sessions with him in order to get him through it, I can only imagine that his feelings for her will get stronger if she agrees to spend more time with him, which will only cause him to be more confused than he already is.
I am fearing what he will do if she wants a regular relationship with him, if he will agree to try or cut her off, as he as with all previous subs.

I expect I will be hearing from him again very soon.

Christian’s POV

When I come back from my run I have somewhat calmed down, physically anyway. My thoughts are in a whirl all over the place and I feel even more confused now than when I went to see Flynn.

In love… No, I can’t be, I just can’t be.

After I have showered I decide to email Anastasia, just because I feel like it has been forever since I last heard something from her. When she does not reply immediately I feel myself getting restless and not really concentrating on the work I should be doing.

I finally hear something from her and we start some email banter. I love how we do that, it makes me smile and feel at ease. And she keeps calling me Sir, which gives me a hard on yet again. I imagine her naked body in my playroom, under my spell, doing exactly like I command her to do.

I tell her to do the research that we agreed on so that she knows what all of this is about and then I order some room service and work while I eat, in my position I cannot abandon my work for too long at a time, so I might as well just do that when I know I am not going to hear anything from Anastasia while she is researching.

We have various business deals that require my full attention, so I go about looking over business plans and spreadsheets to make sure I have everything ready for a meeting I have tomorrow.

At eight Taylor comes to my suite and we go over the plans for tomorrow and the next few days. Thursday is the graduation ceremony so I have the whole day reserved for that, just in case Anastasia has accepted my contract before then. If she does that I would like to spend some time with her on Thursday after the ceremony to celebrate. Celebrate what, Grey? Her submission or her graduation?

Taylor and I are planning tomorrow’s meetings when I receive an email from Anastasia stating that it was nice knowing me. I fly off my chair looking incredulous at my phone, not quite wanting to believe what it says.

“What the fuck!”

“Is everything all right, sir?”

“No, it fucking isn’t alright!”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“No. You have the rest of the night off, Taylor. I’m leaving.” I have to get to Anastasia and figure out what this is about. I cannot let her go, I just cannot.

“May I ask where you are going, sir?” That is none of his fucking business, but then again, he is my security so it would probably be wise to tell him anyway.

“I’m going to Miss Steele’s. I do not know when I will be back.”

“Okay, sir. Just let me know if you need me.”

“Right.”

I leave Taylor sitting on a chair in my suite looking confused and a little amused at my sudden outburst and leaving almost within the same minute. I am guessing that he is quite amused at my constant running to and spying on the delectable Miss Steele.

I just cannot believe that she is calling it off, I cannot let that happen. I will just have to seduce her to let her know what she is missing out on if she says no; seduce her enough to say yes.

On my way I drive by a drugstore and decide to go in and buy a chilled white wine, which will be part of the seduction of Anastasia.

When I reach her apartment and knock on the door I hope I find Anastasia answering, instead it is the tenacious Miss Kavanagh. Luckily she is on the phone, so she only stared wide-eyed at me, not entirely sure whether she should let me in apparently. I start walking into their apartment and hold up the chilled bottle, she takes it and walk toward the kitchen to put it in the fridge and point towards a door that I assume is Anastasia’s room. I walk over to the door that is ajar and see Anastasia sitting at a little desk reading over what looks like my contract, a pen in hand writing notes in the margin of it.

So she is still considering my contract. Maybe it was her version of a joke, to send me that email.

She looks like she has been on a run, which pleases me. I get the impression from the background checks that she does not do much exercise, so I suspect this has something to do with the rules in the contract, or at least I hope. I look around her room, which seems very peaceful. Everything is either cream or pale blue, colours that I myself like very much. It is not girly and pink like Mia’s, which I like.

She looks so amazing with her hair tied in pigtails and looking very concentrated with her iPod in her ears. Even though she is only wearing sweats, she looks great and those pigtails do something to me.
Even though I saw her yesterday I feel like it has been forever and seeing her again makes me aware of just how much I want her. My cock is twitching with anticipation just looking at her and my imagination is running wild.

Suddenly she turns and sees me standing casually in the doorway and freezes, she forgets to breathe and is giving me an once-over and then just stares at me open-mouthed.

She seems as if she has forgotten how to speak too, so I ask to sit down and she nods. At least she is not kicking me out and judging by her reaction to me and the electrical pull there is between us, I suspect that she is not going to.

When she finally finds the ability to speak she tells me that she thought that I would reply by email, so I am certain that having me here is not something she ever expected. Oh this should be fun.

Then she starts biting that lower lip again and my cock is now hard, wanting to fuck her.
As we talk I can see in her eyes that she is a little bolder now that we have had sex before. She is getting a “fuck me” look, her blue eyes smouldering and her cheeks slightly flushed, but not with embarrassment this time. I can tell that she is getting ready to kiss me, but as I don’t want her touching me I get ready to take her and lie her beneath me on the bed where I can restrain her hands. I was a little foresighted so before I left my hotel room I took the silver-gray tie that we used the first time I restrained her, so I would have it with me tonight.

Just as I had anticipated she launches at me, so I quickly grab her and we end up on the bed, me on top of her. I kiss her with a lust and force that I have not quite experienced in the same way before. I am showing her who the dominant is, but at the same time I am pouring the fact that I have actually missed her into this kiss. Feeling her lips on mine, her surrender and her stroking my tongue. Feeling her body beneath me surrender to me. She may not be ready to be my sub, but her body very easily surrenders to me.

After asking her whether she trusts me I tie her hands to the headboard and get off the bed to look at her lying there, bound and totally at my mercy. She looks fantastic and I can tell that she is extremely aroused and I can only imagine how wet she is for me.
I start to undo her sneakers so I can get her naked, but she starts protesting. I really do not care that she has not showered after her run, I expect that she will be sweating a little after the treatment I have planned for her. As I stand beside her bed I start taking of my shoes and socks and pull off my shirt, I unbutton my pants but leave them on as I plan to go to the kitchen to get the bottle of wine and I may run into Miss Kavanagh and if I am only wearing my boxers she will notice the massive hard on I have. She may still do that through my pants, but at least I will be halfway decent.
Anastasia is looking at me, blue eyes burning with intensity and lust and she is biting her lip. I am certain that she likes my body the way she is looking at it.

I pull her t-shirt over her head, but leave it over her eyes so she cannot see anything and then walk out the door to get the white wine.

Katherine is sitting on the sofa reading a magazine when she sees me. She starts gaping at me, her eyes looking over my well-trained abs and then lands on the bulge in my pants. She closes her eyes and then asks rather tersely:

“What do you want?” I cannot help but notice that her pupils are dilated and she is flushed. The same freaking reaction every woman gets, but I actually thought that the very tenacious Miss Kavanagh was immune to my looks seeing as she for some reason does not particularly like me.

“Where would I find a wine glass? And do you have some ice-cubes?”

“Right, hang on.”

She walks to the kitchen and collects a wine glass from the cupboard and fills it with ice and gives me the bottle from the fridge. For some reason she must know what I am up to since she only gives me one wine glass, but I really do not care. It must be apparent to her, that we are definitely not doing the crossword puzzles by the look she had when her eyes landed on my pants.

“Just be careful with her, she means the world to me and I will not let her get hurt by you.” What the fuck!

I do not reply, just nod and go back to Anastasia. She is obviously very protective about Anastasia and I get reminded of just how innocent Anastasia is. I will have to remind myself to not take it too far with her, too quickly.

 As I see her lying on the bed I feel that strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that I’ve had before, she is doing something to me that no one else has ever done before, but it is just an infatuation, surely.

I take off my pants and sit astride her on the bed with the wine in my hand. I want to give her wine with my mouth, which is such a good way to seduce her.
As I do this she is moaning and a slight smile is playing on her lips. She loves it, but I can also feel her writhe with need beneath me so I decide to see how still she can actually be.

I deposit some ice and wine in her navel and then start playing with her nipples as I tell her that she has to keep still otherwise she will spill the wine and I will not let her come.

In the end she cannot keep still and end up spilling the wine. I am quick to lick it off her so the sheets do not get wet.

I kiss her stomach and decide I need to check how ready she is so I slide my hand under her panties and feel that she is soaking wet for me. As I slowly slide my fingers in and out of her, she is tilting her hips asking for more. I love that she is getting bold and does not hide the fact that she wants me. I pull off her t-shirt so she can see me, but she tells me that she wants to touch me. But I will not let that happen.

I tease her and bring her to the brink of orgasm several times. She is moaning, groaning and whimpering at my touch and the fact that I know exactly when to stop so she does not come.

As she is begging I ask her what she wants and she makes it very simple: me. I love that she just says straight out that she wants me and is not afraid to say it as it is. I ask her how she wants me to fuck her, but I get no response other than moaning, so I reach over for the foil packet and sheath up. As Anastasia is watching mesmerized, like she is still amazed at the size of me, I start stroking myself. Her eyes widen and she is panting loudly and licking her lips, it is very obvious that she wants me.

As I suspected the email was her idea of a joke, so when she tells me that, I decide that I will fuck her hard from behind, just to show her who is in control. I tip her over on her stomach and push her knees up so her glorious ass in right in front of me. I really want to claim that too some day, but that is way to early. As I slam into her she comes in a glorious orgasm but I do not stop, I keep pounding into her and enjoy her whimpering and moaning. Since I did not stop to let her come down from her orgasm she is already very close again and I really, really love watching and hearing her come.

I tell her to come again and amazingly she does right away. I love the feel of her tight pussy clenching around my length, which makes me come as well. I collapse on top of her and what I feel in that moment scares the living shit out of me. I know that if I do not get out of that bed right now and get dressed, I am going to end up doing something out of my normal pattern, yet again.

I really need to establish that this is a Dom/sub relationship and not give Anastasia the wrong idea. So I pull out of her and pull the duvet over her, while she is watching me dress.

I lie down next to her, fully dressed and talk about her email. She asks me why I do not like to be touched, but I blow it off by giving her a kiss and asking her whether she is still considering my proposal.
I open up and tell her that I feared that she was saying no. I am very glad that she is still considering, at least I know that I still have a chance and at this exact moment she does not seems unhappy about what just happened between us.

She asks whether I will collar her, so I know that she has done the homework and that even though she said that the email was a joke, that she was probably a little overwhelmed by what she has read and seen in her research. There are a lot of different things that you can do in a BDSM playroom, but I haven’t used them all on my subs. I have found what works for me and kept to that. She asks if I was collared by Mrs. Robinson, which I am sure is her nickname for Elena. I think it is incredibly funny that she has made that up.

She seems very surprised that I still talk to Elena and is suddenly very curt with me and looks angry. Then she says that I have someone to discuss my lifestyle with but she is not allowed and actually looks really angry with this. Again I remember that she is very inexperienced so I offer her that she can talk to one of my former subs, that may help her to understand all this. I know that Leila and Susannah became good friends after I introduced them. That was not received well by Anastasia, she is appalled by my suggestion and draws the duvet up to her cheek and looks vaguely hurt that I would suggest that.
She is jealous – what the fuck. My mind quickly drifts back to what Flynn said at our appointment:

“I am sure that if Anastasia has already let you take her virginity, she has feelings for you too”

Before I know it she is kicking me out; she asked me whether I was staying, but I have to establish the ground rules, which is that I never sleep with anyone, I will not do that with her anymore, even though it felt fantastic when I did. If I was not already dressed I am certain that I would crawl in her bed and lie down with her.

She follows me to the door, but she does not look at me. She seems very despondent as she is looking at her hands, which she is wringing nervously in front of her. Even though this would be expected behavior from a sub I cannot help but feel unease by the fact that she is not looking at me, I do not think that she is doing this because she has found her inner sub. I am afraid that Flynn was right and that maybe she is developing feelings for me. At this point I should probably just call it off with her and tell her that I cannot give her what she wants, but I cannot do that. I cannot stand the thought of loosing her.

As I bend to kiss her goodbye and our lips meet, the electricity is there, as it always seems to be between us. The kiss quickly becomes more urgent with need and something else that I cannot define. But we both cling to each other and the kiss.

“Anastasia, what are you doing to me?”

“I could say the same to you.”

This just feeds my suspicion; I think she feels more for me than a sub should. I turn to leave and walk towards my car. I do not want her to feel rejected so as I make to get in my car I look at her and give her my best smile.
She looks a little lost as she is standing there looking at me, giving me a weak smile in return.
As I get into my car she closes the door and I rest my head on the stearingwheel.

I feel a little lost myself, again the words of Flynn fly around in my head.

“You’re falling in love, Christian”

Surely not, I am a Dom for fucks sake!!

With that I return to the hotel, feeling confused but also very determined to act as the Dom that I am. 

I don't own any of the fifty shades or the characters therein. They belong to EL James. I'm just borrowing them for fun and not for profit. Please refer to the Legals page for further details of the intellectual property rights for this work. 

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